Not Getting Turned on During Sex?

What sex means for each of us, in this moment, determines the quality of our experience, and the degree of arousal.

How aroused you feel depends on whether you are really enjoying the sex you are having at the moment you are having it – and how relaxed and uninhibited you are feeling with your partner.

Arousal ebbs and flows during love-making, depending on the degree of pleasure, engagement and connection with your partner, and whether you are both fully present and going with the flow.

Arousal depends on

  • your thoughts and feelings about sex and your lover
  • the quality of sensual stimulation
  • whether you are getting enough sensual stimulation to get really turned on

My most important tip is to explore your own threshold of arousal

  • find out what turns you on
  • explore a number of different ways to get there

Remember that it’s your responsibility to go for your own pleasure –

your partner isn’t a mind-reader and it’s no good wanting him to touch you in a specific way, or in a particular place, if you don’t show him, or tell him directly.

A good way is to use lots of praise and affirmation. Tell him clearly what you like, what you really like, and what feels fantastic! Tell him exactly what it is that he’s doing so effectively, and then guide him to add in any extras you’ fancy….

“Yum, I love what you’re doing right now”

That’s good, but can you move over just a cm to the left – that will it the spot”,

or “Great, but slowly, slowly… even slower”

Slowing down, and settling into the experience of caressing and being caressed increases connection, and this is a big factor in levels of arousal.

When you take turns in caressing each other, the giver needs to focus as much on the sensory exchange as the receiver – other wise it can become mechanical and your partner can switch off.

Be Sociable, Share!